Struggle for Benevolence

We all, at some point in life think of helping people. The craving to do something for the needy makes us do small acts of kindness. Few people make it the mission of their life and it becomes their calling.  Others busy with their work and duties try to contribute by charity.

I too went through that phase, the craving to make difference in people’s life by providing them some guidance, cheering them up, contributing to an NGO. The only difference is that these small acts of kindness could not satisfy my craving neither did I dedicate my life for it. Maybe I was a borderline case. An individual who was busy with the worldly things, but could not ignore people who had the potential of leading a good life by just a little guidance.

One thing I could not do and will not be able to bring myself to do- visit an orphanage. .  Maybe this one glass box I will not be able to break! This is one challenge, one part of life, I may not be able to overcome. Maybe it is some kind of phobia, the very thought of visiting an orphanage gives me jitters. I cannot look into those innocent eyes waiting for love, I will not be able to face those deprived lives.  How will I answer those beautiful souls that why were they abandoned? Why were they brought in this world if they were not wanted? Why they are God’s own children and do not have anyone to love them, be with them.  Why is it that there is always an insecurity of tomorrow? Why people donate so much but it does not reach them?  I don’t have answers to their questions and I cannot look into those eyes. I am also part of that society where the gap is very big, where insecurities rule; greed and corruption are a routine. 

I disagree that these people need money, sympathy or even pity, rather I do not give money to beggars as a policy. Yes, food, clothing and medicines are fine, I am a firm believer of the old school that giving money encourages them to beg. I even asked one lady if she was willing to work, she flatly refused.  I want to help people who need a little push, a small pat, few words of encouragement to challenge themselves and who are passionate about life.

I always dreamt of a life devoted to people who need service, but could not decide how to approach the subject.  I read about few initiatives like volunteering to train underprivileged youth in spoken English. The concept of volunteerism was enticing and me too decided to join. I was very excited with the concept as ultimately literacy is the first step towards independence. Nope, I did not join. Why? Because I was not prepared or ready to commit my weekends and in the bargain depriving my children of our quality time. It did not make any sense to go and help people outside the family whereas your children suffer.  I have seen families breaking and friendships lost, due to this hypocritical approach.

Next, I found myself in Family Court and the phobia was visible on every litigant’s face. The laws were not known to common people and the processes were complicated & overwhelming. It did scare people to stand in front of judge and present their case, to talk their mind out or for that matter comprehend the questions and respond. The language was simple, the judges very courteous, but due to the phobia and taboo associated, the litigants would develop cold feet.  Being a qualified lawyer, I thought maybe this is where I can utilize my skills and prove beneficial to the ones who are already broken from inside.  I worked, tried to ignore my feelings and rebellions of my conscious. In 7 months I realized that it is not my cup of tea to see parents crying for their kids, people manipulating situations for financial benefits.  It was very depressing to see how cunningly people put forth their agenda in most deceptive ways.  Yup, I decided to leave Family Court impressed by experts who could be objective and deal without being emotionally involved.

For last so many years, I have been struggling to find out what is my calling, when will I be able to contribute towards society at large. Went through various websites- supporting so many causes, in search of my role in these varied platforms of humanity. In every approach, every initiative the cons were more than the pros, maybe I was very critical, or I was analyzing things too much.  I failed to convince myself to join a cause where the decision making power or the controls were with somebody else. Where you associate with a group for a cause that you feel from your heart, you are emotionally involved and find that someone makes a phone call and things change.  The grants/ aids suddenly disappear.

I went to the extent of evaluating the idea to start a group of like- minded people towards the cause so dear to my heart. Again my diligence or critical nature put forth the fact that this would mean going through bureaucracy and the hurdles of greedy people. Everyone wants a 'cut' and that filled me with disgust, a noble cause is not perceived in the same manner as it is conceived. The very thought of people trying to make money off the specially-abled, underprivileged and needy children made me sick.

I reached a saturation point, where I have everything that a simple common person needs in life.  Still there is emptiness, the very purpose of my existence is missing. I need a solution, a simple way to reach out to people and make them strong enough that they grow and help others grow. A solution where people help people, where there is positivity and pride.

I was reading a very well know book by a renowned author on financial freedom. Left it half way through, coz I could not understand the purpose of this so called financial freedom. What will I achieve by it? If I have billions and everything I wanted or dreamt of, what next? What will I gain by that? And this is how my journey and internal struggle started.

Yes I found my solution, in a small way!!

To start a business….

I want to start a business, to liberate people by employment! Yes, this is my solution. I want to have a successful business so that people who want to work, can work and earn!!  They earn their pride, their place in society, their trust in the world is restored.

Yes, now the next step would be-which business and how to go about it....